Tiger Tail
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Tales From The Laptop Hunt
I was tidying up the shed this morning when I made an incredible and startling discovery. Inside a wooden crate, under a dusty stack of Mojo magazines, I found a mysterious manuscript bound with a simple piece of soldering wire and a few paperclips for good measure.
As I delicately unfolded the yellowing reams I made a brief scan of the Comic Sans print out and realised something truly incredible - what I had in my hands was from the days of web 1.0! Near breathless with awe I carefully attempted to read the full document, but without the reassuring backlight of my Apple iPad the task was nearly impossible.
With the help of a team of crack scientist I have now successfully analysed the parchment and can reveal that it dates as far back as possibly 2009 and is the diary of a typical 21st Century man, detailing his trials as he tries to investigate a decent laptop. Working day and night I have successfully transcribed the fascinating account onto my computer and here, for the first time, I can bring you a rare peek into this previously hidden treasure:
Monday, Friday, January 18, 2008
Today might as well have been Friday the thirteenth considering how awful it's been. Went to university in the dark and rain, came home in the dark and rain. As I was crossing Albert Bridge I thought I saw a crazed parking warden wielding a Sesame Street tyre iron looming towards me through the downpour. As I ran for my life I tripped over a loose paving slab#pile of discarded free newspapers and my laptop went flying over the side into the murky Thames water. Lying in the gutter, having just thrown two-year's worth of work into the depths of the Thames, I looked up to see my would-be assailant was merely a boy scout in a duck costume carrying a banana ice cream sundae.
When I got home we were out of biscuits, must remember to buy some. Guess I'm going to have to spend my weekend getting a new laptop then. At least I smell nice.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I was all set to leave the house and embark on a spot of laptop shopping this morning and was just studying the atlas to find the best way to my local shopping centre (I may have walked it hundreds of times, but one can never be certain) when I noticed a spelling mistake in the labelling of nearby Great Milkwaffle Street. Well, you can imagine my shock. I immediately concluded that is was my responsibility to go through the entire map book in search of errors, document them and send a helpful note to the publishers. At 2am I finished my task and returned to bed, there were only three mistakes, including a picture of a goldfish wearing an eyepatch in place of Westminster cathedral, but I think the public will benefit greatly from this correction.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Came very close to obtaining a new laptop today, I made it to the shop and everything. Unfortunately by that time I was bleeding quite seriously from the bites round my shins from the muskrat I'd annoyed when I accidentally stood on it's tail whilst hiding in the undergrowth from a particularly aggressive fieldmouse. Also, the shop was closed. Went back to bed after a brief visit to the hospital.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Went online and bought a laptop, LCD TV and extra laptop memory from Ebuyer.
An extraordinary tale, I think you'll agree. I'm off to a private collector now who has expressed interest in my finding as part of an exhibition on diaries of liars.
Captains Corner: Tiger shark provides hefty battle (St. Petersburg Times)
**By Dave Mistretta, Times Correspondent**
Saturday, December 24, 2011
**Awesome outings:** This week proved to be quite rewarding for us, with
several unusual catches. Our most incredible encounter was with a tiger shark.
A client landed this giant while bottom fishing 25 miles northwest of
Clearwater.
**Unexpected surprise:** After reeling in plenty of jacks in a two-hour
period, bottom fishing seemed like an easy way to end the day. Little did we
know, a shark followed us from the wreckage. These curious sharks love to hang
around wrecks, especially ones that hold large jacks.
**Unique characteristics:** Tiger sharks can easily be recognized by the
vertical stripes that cover their entire body. Their square-like heads are
also unmistakable. This shark displayed its beautiful striped pattern as it
cruised by the boat after a half-hour battle. Eventually the shark tail-
whipped the leader boatside and drenched everyone. We shot video of the battle
with our cell phones.
**Other game fish:** Big kingfish also showed up in a few locations. We saw
numerous kings skyrocketing in the air as they fed on bait at the entrance to
Clearwater Pass.
_Dave Mistretta captains the Jaws Too out of Indian Rocks Beach. Call (727)
439-2628 ...
Tiger by the Tail
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